7月17日雅思大作文示范写作 | 广告意在推销非必需品吗?
应对：Some people argue that the government should not pay money for international aid when there are some disadvantaged (homeless or unemployed) people at home.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?这个题目
学生在主体部分某段落有一句话写道：
Provided that the recipient countries are highly dependent on the assistance, the donor countries are able to consolidate or even change their political stand.
比较于教师修改后的句子：
Donor countries are able to manipulate the recipient countries that are highly dependent on the assistance.
* 修改后的句子句型和表达都简化了，语流更快更流畅。
* 尤其值得注意的是：manipulate这个词替代了原句中的consolidate or even change their political stand，不仅仅是通过合理选词让表达简洁，而且反而让意思更加明确。
* 另外，原句中的consolidate or even change their political stand这里的their的指代有些模糊，不确定是是指donor countries还是recipient countries。这个问题也在修改后被避免了。
* 其实原句中的provided that不是简单的“如果”，而是“(只要)如果”。在原句中用的这个意思，感觉“只要”这个意义有些多余。
小总结
* 句子的繁简是可能通过合理的选词来控制和优化的。
* 条件状语中的“条件”这个概念其实有许多细分，选择这些细分时，是有逻辑上的讲究的，需要思索一下，而不是为了用而用。
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7月17日雅思大作文示范写作 | 广告意在推销非必需品吗?
年7月17雅思大作文题目
Some people say that the main aim of advertising is to improve the sales of products that people do not really need.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
范文及解析
Introduction
Advertising has been an integral part of our economic and social life now. However, as a powerful technique of promoting sales, it has been censured by some people for its “main aim”: to encourage shoppers to buy unnecessary goods. I tend to think that this view presents a very one-sided picture of advertising.
【解析】
integral part 不可或缺的部分
censure 谴责v.
one-sided 片面的adj.
Body Paragraph 1
The commentary is understandable that advertising creates unconscious desires. People holding this view may ascribe their over-consumption to advertisers’ exaggerated claims of their marketing pitches, which means advertising puts goods in a positive light, creating unrealistic expectations, all for the benefit of selling. Enticed by these messages, consumers would buy goods of little or no value to themselves on impulse, be it a new cell phone or a massage armchair.
【解析】
ascribe … to … 归咎于
marketing pitch 市场营销
entice 怂恿 v.
on impulse 一时冲动
Body Paragraph 2
To persuade potential customers through evoking their psychological appeals, indeed, is one objective of advertising. However, I would argue that there is a controversy in what constitutes necessities versus non-essentials. This ambiguous notion is changing, along with the change in generations. To explain, what seems nonessential now – a massage armchair, for example – may fulfill its function years later, whereas what seems required now – a cell phone, for example – may soon lose its value if operating systems suddenly upgrade.
【解析】
evoke 唤醒 v.
psychological appeals
controversy 争议 n.
Body Paragraph 3
My firm conviction is that the real objective of advertising is to promote effective communication between producers and consumers. When a new product is to be introduced in the market, producers create memorable advertising campaigns that boost brans recognition, from which potential customers can be informed more about product advantages and know what suits their requirements and budget. Not only that, advertising helps maintain the demand for existing products and services.
【解析】
introduce 引入v.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I would say that the main aim of advertising is to prepare a ground for the sales of products, but we cannot affirm that the promoted goods are unnecessary.
【解析】
prepare a ground for 为…打基础
affirm 断言v.
