7月17日雅思大作文示范写作 | 广告意在推销非必需品吗?
应对
Some people think that secondary school students should study international news as a school subject but others argue that it would be a waste of valuable school time.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
这个题目
学生在开头段落的第 一句写了下面这句话：
Some people consider it necessary to make learning global news as a senior high school subject, while their opponents regard it as a waste of school time.
我们来看教师修改后的句子，如下：
Learning global news may be a worthwhile subject at secondary school; it may also be a waste of time.
首先，是句子的简化。抛弃陈词滥调的无聊的some people … their opponent … 而更直接的说出了内容。
原句中的consider it necessary to make learning global news as a senior high school subject和 regard it as a waste of school time都是繁琐的方式。改动后，be a worthwhile subject at secondary school和be a waste of time中用了be动词，在措辞上简化，让句子读起来更顺畅。这里特别注意这里用的是情态动词may，这样，“may be”就避免了去主观认定一种情况为事实，而是语气缓和地说了一种可能。
分号“;”替代了while，比起用while来联系两个分句，分号使得两个分句形更工整的结构。这里并不是对于错误的纠正，因为while的用法无误。这里只是故意用到特殊的标点符号来追求这个句子的节奏上的风格。
小总结
好句子是在形式上最求最简的形式，避免措辞上不必要的部分(长句子不是刻意追求形式上的长，而是出于内容的需要而长)。
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7月17日雅思大作文示范写作 | 广告意在推销非必需品吗?
年7月17雅思大作文题目
Some people say that the main aim of advertising is to improve the sales of products that people do not really need.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
范文及解析
Introduction
Advertising has been an integral part of our economic and social life now. However, as a powerful technique of promoting sales, it has been censured by some people for its “main aim”: to encourage shoppers to buy unnecessary goods. I tend to think that this view presents a very one-sided picture of advertising.
【解析】
integral part 不可或缺的部分
censure 谴责v.
one-sided 片面的adj.
Body Paragraph 1
The commentary is understandable that advertising creates unconscious desires. People holding this view may ascribe their over-consumption to advertisers’ exaggerated claims of their marketing pitches, which means advertising puts goods in a positive light, creating unrealistic expectations, all for the benefit of selling. Enticed by these messages, consumers would buy goods of little or no value to themselves on impulse, be it a new cell phone or a massage armchair.
【解析】
ascribe … to … 归咎于
marketing pitch 市场营销
entice 怂恿 v.
on impulse 一时冲动
Body Paragraph 2
To persuade potential customers through evoking their psychological appeals, indeed, is one objective of advertising. However, I would argue that there is a controversy in what constitutes necessities versus non-essentials. This ambiguous notion is changing, along with the change in generations. To explain, what seems nonessential now – a massage armchair, for example – may fulfill its function years later, whereas what seems required now – a cell phone, for example – may soon lose its value if operating systems suddenly upgrade.
【解析】
evoke 唤醒 v.
psychological appeals
controversy 争议 n.
Body Paragraph 3
My firm conviction is that the real objective of advertising is to promote effective communication between producers and consumers. When a new product is to be introduced in the market, producers create memorable advertising campaigns that boost brans recognition, from which potential customers can be informed more about product advantages and know what suits their requirements and budget. Not only that, advertising helps maintain the demand for existing products and services.
【解析】
introduce 引入v.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I would say that the main aim of advertising is to prepare a ground for the sales of products, but we cannot affirm that the promoted goods are unnecessary.
【解析】
prepare a ground for 为…打基础
affirm 断言v.
