7月17日雅思大作文示范写作 | 广告意在推销非必需品吗?
New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
学生在正文写了如下一句话：
What is worse is that it is huge unlikely that the children have abundant time and energy on communicating with other people. They will become isolated from not only their parents, but also their pupils.
※ 句型上建议将what is worse断开，充当衔接而非主语从句;
※ 我们一般会使用如下搭配：have time for something或have time to do something，而非have time on doing something;be highly unlikely，而非be huge unlikely;
※ 形近词也要区分：peer VS. pupil，the pupils of somebody/a school指某人的弟子/学校的学生
教师修改后如下：
What is worse, spending too much time in the virtual world, children are less likely to communicate face to face with parents or peers, and the lack of non-virtual experiences is often the root of their isolation.
※ 独立的衔接what is worse，与上文形成递进;
※ 现在分词短语spending too much … 是为了点一下题new technology以及their free time，注意短语前置的时候，逻辑主语与主干主语(children)保持一致;
※ 后一个分句中使用了两个抽象名词：non-virtual experiences以及isolation，用法不同。non-virtual experiences概述前文children communicate face to face with parents or peers，起到承接作用;isolation浓缩了原文they will become isolated from somebody，使句子呈现更简洁;
※ root refers to the cause of a problem or of an unpleasant situation
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7月17日雅思大作文示范写作 | 广告意在推销非必需品吗?
年7月17雅思大作文题目
Some people say that the main aim of advertising is to improve the sales of products that people do not really need.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
范文及解析
Introduction
Advertising has been an integral part of our economic and social life now. However, as a powerful technique of promoting sales, it has been censured by some people for its “main aim”: to encourage shoppers to buy unnecessary goods. I tend to think that this view presents a very one-sided picture of advertising.
【解析】
integral part 不可或缺的部分
censure 谴责v.
one-sided 片面的adj.
Body Paragraph 1
The commentary is understandable that advertising creates unconscious desires. People holding this view may ascribe their over-consumption to advertisers’ exaggerated claims of their marketing pitches, which means advertising puts goods in a positive light, creating unrealistic expectations, all for the benefit of selling. Enticed by these messages, consumers would buy goods of little or no value to themselves on impulse, be it a new cell phone or a massage armchair.
【解析】
ascribe … to … 归咎于
marketing pitch 市场营销
entice 怂恿 v.
on impulse 一时冲动
Body Paragraph 2
To persuade potential customers through evoking their psychological appeals, indeed, is one objective of advertising. However, I would argue that there is a controversy in what constitutes necessities versus non-essentials. This ambiguous notion is changing, along with the change in generations. To explain, what seems nonessential now – a massage armchair, for example – may fulfill its function years later, whereas what seems required now – a cell phone, for example – may soon lose its value if operating systems suddenly upgrade.
【解析】
evoke 唤醒 v.
psychological appeals
controversy 争议 n.
Body Paragraph 3
My firm conviction is that the real objective of advertising is to promote effective communication between producers and consumers. When a new product is to be introduced in the market, producers create memorable advertising campaigns that boost brans recognition, from which potential customers can be informed more about product advantages and know what suits their requirements and budget. Not only that, advertising helps maintain the demand for existing products and services.
【解析】
introduce 引入v.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I would say that the main aim of advertising is to prepare a ground for the sales of products, but we cannot affirm that the promoted goods are unnecessary.
【解析】
prepare a ground for 为…打基础
affirm 断言v.
