7月17日雅思大作文示范写作 | 广告意在推销非必需品吗?
考生应对Nowadays, there are many television advertisements aimed at children.What are the effects of those advertisements on children?Should TV advertisements be controlled?这个题目时，学生在应答第二个问题的段落里有一句写到：
Therefore, boundaries should be drawn to guide or limit advertisements once children are involved.
看起来通顺的句子，其实关键问题有四：
1、 boundary搭配draw，其实不够合理不够符合用语习惯。
2、 句子的信息含量比较低，关键在于guide or limit advertisements处，欠缺一些关于广告的具体细节。
3、 once children are involved这个关于部分的含意不够明确：involve的意思是涉及，但是读者不明白“涉及”的具体内涵，是孩子出演广告(也是“涉及”到孩子)，是孩子是广告的观众(也是“涉及”到孩子)?
4、 once的意思是“一旦”，用来引导本句的条件不合理。
如何修改后提分?
看下面
教师修改后的句子：
Therefore, boundaries should be set / lines should be drawn to regulate advertising, including what kind of slogans or graphics are acceptable, as well as what length or times of airing is inappropriate, if an advert is targeted at children.
句子分解：
1、 boundary和set搭配，或者draw 和line搭配。
2、 regulate advertising比原文的guide or limit advertisements是更令读者感到舒服的措辞。
3、 if an advert is targeted at children这个状语的引导词是if，这个宽泛的“如果”比原句的“一旦”合理。
4、 including what kind of slogans or graphics are acceptable, as well as what length or times of airing is inappropriate这一部分丰富了句子的信息，避免下文出现一个独立的句子去陈述这个内容，加快了写作的信息节奏。
总结：
1、 状语的引导词会影响状语的表意。于是，学习明确状语的引导词是(在确保句子在语法形式上无误之后)句子质量的关键之一。
2、 动词和宾语的搭配有语言习惯方面的讲究。
3、 可以通过句子的信息量的增加加快写作的行文节奏，避免行文拖沓。
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7月17日雅思大作文示范写作 | 广告意在推销非必需品吗?
年7月17雅思大作文题目
Some people say that the main aim of advertising is to improve the sales of products that people do not really need.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
范文及解析
Introduction
Advertising has been an integral part of our economic and social life now. However, as a powerful technique of promoting sales, it has been censured by some people for its “main aim”: to encourage shoppers to buy unnecessary goods. I tend to think that this view presents a very one-sided picture of advertising.
【解析】
integral part 不可或缺的部分
censure 谴责v.
one-sided 片面的adj.
Body Paragraph 1
The commentary is understandable that advertising creates unconscious desires. People holding this view may ascribe their over-consumption to advertisers’ exaggerated claims of their marketing pitches, which means advertising puts goods in a positive light, creating unrealistic expectations, all for the benefit of selling. Enticed by these messages, consumers would buy goods of little or no value to themselves on impulse, be it a new cell phone or a massage armchair.
【解析】
ascribe … to … 归咎于
marketing pitch 市场营销
entice 怂恿 v.
on impulse 一时冲动
Body Paragraph 2
To persuade potential customers through evoking their psychological appeals, indeed, is one objective of advertising. However, I would argue that there is a controversy in what constitutes necessities versus non-essentials. This ambiguous notion is changing, along with the change in generations. To explain, what seems nonessential now – a massage armchair, for example – may fulfill its function years later, whereas what seems required now – a cell phone, for example – may soon lose its value if operating systems suddenly upgrade.
【解析】
evoke 唤醒 v.
psychological appeals
controversy 争议 n.
Body Paragraph 3
My firm conviction is that the real objective of advertising is to promote effective communication between producers and consumers. When a new product is to be introduced in the market, producers create memorable advertising campaigns that boost brans recognition, from which potential customers can be informed more about product advantages and know what suits their requirements and budget. Not only that, advertising helps maintain the demand for existing products and services.
【解析】
introduce 引入v.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I would say that the main aim of advertising is to prepare a ground for the sales of products, but we cannot affirm that the promoted goods are unnecessary.
【解析】
prepare a ground for 为…打基础
affirm 断言v.
