7月17日雅思大作文示范写作 | 广告意在推销非必需品吗?
应对
Many scientists believe that now we can study the behavior of a three-year-old child to see whether they will grow up to be criminals.
To what extent do you think that human nature produces crimes?
How can we prevent children from growing up to be criminals?
这个题目(2020年8月15日真题)
学生的写的开头段落如下：
(今天是“7分句”系列特别版，我们看一整个段落，而不只看一个句子)
A lot of scientists suggest to conduct research on the behavior of children aged three to estimate if they tend to commit crimes when they become adults. Although there are some people who commit crimes out of nature, I do not agree with that criminals are all driven by human nature.
教师修改后的段落，如下：
Many scientists study the behavior of three-year-old children and, according to the study, make the premature anticipation that some of those children will commit crimes in their adulthood and some will not. As a matter of fact, crimes should not be completely attributed to the genes.
* a lot of scientists给人造成的感觉是数量大，并且，这个数量的程度用来修饰名词的时候，给人感觉“大量”是被刻意强调的，而在这个句子的表达意图中，这个强调“量大”其实是没有必要的。改成many scientists后措辞就自然了。
* 整个第 一句的改动大，改动后的亮点有三：1)主句和从句中的动词都减少后(从6个动词：suggest、conduct、estimate、tend、commit、become减少至3个动词：study、make、commit)，句子变简洁，也因为没有必要的动词的减少而让句子的意义凸显。2)原句中 to estimate if they tend to commit crimes when they become adults 这个部分的句子结构“不清爽”，又是if引导从句又是when引导从句的。简化成了make the premature anticipation + 同位语从句，并且，同位语从句内的句子的结构简洁。3)make the premature anticipation 中的premature这个词很重要。这个词是“负评价”，对科学家的anticipation做出了负面评价，暗示笔者对于这个论题的态度是“不同意”。就因为这个评价词的出现，原文中第二句中的although引导的从句，就可以不要了，于是整个段落都简洁紧致了。
* 修改后的第二个句子是依托了第 一个句子的内容，通过as a matter of fact来建立逻辑联系。第 一句讲到“premature anticipation不对”，接着，第二句讲“其实，怎么才对”。
* 第二句中的 the genes 用到了“基因”这个词的延伸的意义。基因所代表的就是本性本质的东西。用the genes替代human nature让措辞更有意思、更有风格。
★ 小总结 ★
有没有发现形容词的使用，有细节和玄妙之处?简单说来，名词前用到的形容词是笔者有意去凸显或强调这个形容词所表达的意义或概念。所以，当没有这个目的的时候，就轻易不要在名词前加形容词;或者那就用意义轻的词，避免被读者以为笔者在凸显或强调。相反，我们就应该故意使用形容词去修饰名词。
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口语知识点
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7月17日雅思大作文示范写作 | 广告意在推销非必需品吗?
年7月17雅思大作文题目
Some people say that the main aim of advertising is to improve the sales of products that people do not really need.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
范文及解析
Introduction
Advertising has been an integral part of our economic and social life now. However, as a powerful technique of promoting sales, it has been censured by some people for its “main aim”: to encourage shoppers to buy unnecessary goods. I tend to think that this view presents a very one-sided picture of advertising.
【解析】
integral part 不可或缺的部分
censure 谴责v.
one-sided 片面的adj.
Body Paragraph 1
The commentary is understandable that advertising creates unconscious desires. People holding this view may ascribe their over-consumption to advertisers’ exaggerated claims of their marketing pitches, which means advertising puts goods in a positive light, creating unrealistic expectations, all for the benefit of selling. Enticed by these messages, consumers would buy goods of little or no value to themselves on impulse, be it a new cell phone or a massage armchair.
【解析】
ascribe … to … 归咎于
marketing pitch 市场营销
entice 怂恿 v.
on impulse 一时冲动
Body Paragraph 2
To persuade potential customers through evoking their psychological appeals, indeed, is one objective of advertising. However, I would argue that there is a controversy in what constitutes necessities versus non-essentials. This ambiguous notion is changing, along with the change in generations. To explain, what seems nonessential now – a massage armchair, for example – may fulfill its function years later, whereas what seems required now – a cell phone, for example – may soon lose its value if operating systems suddenly upgrade.
【解析】
evoke 唤醒 v.
psychological appeals
controversy 争议 n.
Body Paragraph 3
My firm conviction is that the real objective of advertising is to promote effective communication between producers and consumers. When a new product is to be introduced in the market, producers create memorable advertising campaigns that boost brans recognition, from which potential customers can be informed more about product advantages and know what suits their requirements and budget. Not only that, advertising helps maintain the demand for existing products and services.
【解析】
introduce 引入v.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I would say that the main aim of advertising is to prepare a ground for the sales of products, but we cannot affirm that the promoted goods are unnecessary.
【解析】
prepare a ground for 为…打基础
affirm 断言v.
