7月17日雅思大作文示范写作 | 广告意在推销非必需品吗?
Some people think that a city should remove its old buildings and ｒｅｐｌａｃｅ them with modern buildings. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
学生在让步段中写了这样几个句子：
For example, there may be faulty circuits and pipes. Therefore, modern architecture is preferable because they are new and do not have these problems. However, these security risks can be properly addressed. Nowadays, people have technology to revamp these structures. Worldwide, there are many renovated old buildings that survive.
教师修改后如下：
For example, there may be faulty wiring and old pipes. Therefore, modern architecture is preferable due to its holistic safety consideration. However, these security risks can be properly addressed with the assistance of advanced technology for bringing the revival of historical buildings.
Ø 学生在该部分写作中的逻辑是明确的，但句式组织太过于生硬，意群过于零碎，足足在这一小块中写了5个单句，导致成文松散。
Ø CC的串联不仅仅是词的串联，更是意的串联。按照学生5句话的逻辑：老建筑电路水管老化→现代建筑设计没有这些问题→(反驳)但是这些安全问题可以避免→现在人们通过技术就能修复→世界各地都有老建筑焕然一新，若都独立成句很难与前后发生联系。反驳的后三点完全可以说成：因为技术的革新，所以安全问题可以得到解决，以此使老建筑重新焕发活力。这样一来因果联系就出来了，用一个句子就能把意思表示明白。
Ø 表达要符合搭配习惯。故障线路一般说faulty wiring而不说circuit，faulty pipes也基本不用。由于这都是老建筑存在的问题，所以最简单的old反倒是最达意的那一个选择，即老旧的电路和水管。选词在于“适配”，而非“看似适配”。
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7月17日雅思大作文示范写作 | 广告意在推销非必需品吗?
年7月17雅思大作文题目
Some people say that the main aim of advertising is to improve the sales of products that people do not really need.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
范文及解析
Introduction
Advertising has been an integral part of our economic and social life now. However, as a powerful technique of promoting sales, it has been censured by some people for its “main aim”: to encourage shoppers to buy unnecessary goods. I tend to think that this view presents a very one-sided picture of advertising.
【解析】
integral part 不可或缺的部分
censure 谴责v.
one-sided 片面的adj.
Body Paragraph 1
The commentary is understandable that advertising creates unconscious desires. People holding this view may ascribe their over-consumption to advertisers’ exaggerated claims of their marketing pitches, which means advertising puts goods in a positive light, creating unrealistic expectations, all for the benefit of selling. Enticed by these messages, consumers would buy goods of little or no value to themselves on impulse, be it a new cell phone or a massage armchair.
【解析】
ascribe … to … 归咎于
marketing pitch 市场营销
entice 怂恿 v.
on impulse 一时冲动
Body Paragraph 2
To persuade potential customers through evoking their psychological appeals, indeed, is one objective of advertising. However, I would argue that there is a controversy in what constitutes necessities versus non-essentials. This ambiguous notion is changing, along with the change in generations. To explain, what seems nonessential now – a massage armchair, for example – may fulfill its function years later, whereas what seems required now – a cell phone, for example – may soon lose its value if operating systems suddenly upgrade.
【解析】
evoke 唤醒 v.
psychological appeals
controversy 争议 n.
Body Paragraph 3
My firm conviction is that the real objective of advertising is to promote effective communication between producers and consumers. When a new product is to be introduced in the market, producers create memorable advertising campaigns that boost brans recognition, from which potential customers can be informed more about product advantages and know what suits their requirements and budget. Not only that, advertising helps maintain the demand for existing products and services.
【解析】
introduce 引入v.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I would say that the main aim of advertising is to prepare a ground for the sales of products, but we cannot affirm that the promoted goods are unnecessary.
【解析】
prepare a ground for 为…打基础
affirm 断言v.
