7月17日雅思大作文示范写作 | 广告意在推销非必需品吗?
今天是特别版,(过往,我们都是看单个句子,今天,我们不是看一个句子)
先看题吧:
Some people think that sport has an important role in our society. Others, however, feel that it is nothing more than a leisure activity.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
(这是7月11日(复考第 一场)的考题)
问题在哪里?
如果单看每个句子的话,好像真的问题不大(当然,不是说没有问题),措辞方面也是可以接受的(可以,但是可以接受)。
那么,看来问题主要就是出在句子之间了吧。
与过往不同,我们先看一下教师修改后的这个语段:
然后,我们通过比较来解析:
Ø 首先,修改后的版本肯定不是好在篇幅上的增加。
Ø 修改后的第 一个句子忠实于原来的句子,但是再措辞上 tremendous来修饰economic benefits 的程度要比 beyond our imagination 要好。
Ø 第二句话依然是再第 一句话的内容的基础上的拓展,但是覆盖了原来的第二句和第三句话的内容。那么,内容的节奏更紧凑些些。
Ø 第三句话是内容上的亮点,有了第三句话比原来的三句话的内容有延伸也更充实。
Ø 至于用词的亮点,可以发现:主题词汇 entitlements、derivatives、merchandise 和通用词汇 sizeable、sell(sell的不及物用法值得注意值得学习)。
★ 小总结 ★
今天的特别版尤其希望大家建立一个重要的写作技巧意识:
“信息的进展” 。这样的进展需要我们设计好句子的内容,让内容在一个接一个的句子之间不断推进(细化或者扩展)。有内容的推进的句子就会在得分标准CC(连贯性)这一项上获得的分数。


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7月17日雅思大作文示范写作 | 广告意在推销非必需品吗?
年7月17雅思大作文题目
Some people say that the main aim of advertising is to improve the sales of products that people do not really need.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
范文及解析
Introduction
Advertising has been an integral part of our economic and social life now. However, as a powerful technique of promoting sales, it has been censured by some people for its “main aim”: to encourage shoppers to buy unnecessary goods. I tend to think that this view presents a very one-sided picture of advertising.
【解析】
integral part 不可或缺的部分
censure 谴责v.
one-sided 片面的adj.
Body Paragraph 1
The commentary is understandable that advertising creates unconscious desires. People holding this view may ascribe their over-consumption to advertisers’ exaggerated claims of their marketing pitches, which means advertising puts goods in a positive light, creating unrealistic expectations, all for the benefit of selling. Enticed by these messages, consumers would buy goods of little or no value to themselves on impulse, be it a new cell phone or a massage armchair.
【解析】
ascribe … to … 归咎于
marketing pitch 市场营销
entice 怂恿 v.
on impulse 一时冲动
Body Paragraph 2
To persuade potential customers through evoking their psychological appeals, indeed, is one objective of advertising. However, I would argue that there is a controversy in what constitutes necessities versus non-essentials. This ambiguous notion is changing, along with the change in generations. To explain, what seems nonessential now – a massage armchair, for example – may fulfill its function years later, whereas what seems required now – a cell phone, for example – may soon lose its value if operating systems suddenly upgrade.
【解析】
evoke 唤醒 v.
psychological appeals
controversy 争议 n.
Body Paragraph 3
My firm conviction is that the real objective of advertising is to promote effective communication between producers and consumers. When a new product is to be introduced in the market, producers create memorable advertising campaigns that boost brans recognition, from which potential customers can be informed more about product advantages and know what suits their requirements and budget. Not only that, advertising helps maintain the demand for existing products and services.
【解析】
introduce 引入v.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I would say that the main aim of advertising is to prepare a ground for the sales of products, but we cannot affirm that the promoted goods are unnecessary.
【解析】
prepare a ground for 为…打基础
affirm 断言v.
